At the recent 96th Academy Awards ceremony, a controversy arose involving actor Robert Downey Jr. and award presenter Ke Huy Quan. According to Oscar protocol, Ke Huy Quan, who won Best Supporting Actor last year, was to present the award to Robert Downey Jr. During the ceremony, Downey Jr. ignored Ke Huy Quan's attempts to greet him twice, choosing instead to interact with two white actors, Tim Robbins and Sam Rockwell. This action sparked significant discontent, leading to numerous comments on Downey Jr.'s Instagram criticizing his disregard for Ke Huy Quan as rude and questioning if his behavior was racially motivated.
In a separate incident during the ceremony, controversy also emerged when Michelle Yeoh, presenting an award to Emma Stone, had the trophy taken from her hands by Jennifer Lawrence, Stone's close friend, to present it herself. People criticized the disruption of the award process online, calling it inappropriate and in poor taste.
The aftermath was even more disconcerting. While all the white actors involved remained silent, Michelle Yeoh was the first to post on Instagram, suggesting her actions might have confused Emma Stone, but she hoped Stone would appreciate receiving the trophy from her best friend, Jennifer Lawrence, and share the moment of glory. To date, none of the other parties involved have responded to her post. Ironically, Michelle Yeoh, who was entirely blameless, became the first to apologize. Some people argue that such excessive "politeness" and "graciousness" only reinforce stereotypes of Asians as overly compliant, possibly calming the situation but perpetuating discrimination against Asians as something normal and even more unbridled.
On the other hand, although Ke Huy Quan did not directly address being ignored, he posted a photo with several Best Supporting Actor winners, including Robert Downey Jr. Guan expressed pride and honor in presenting the award and congratulated all the night's winners. In contrast, Robert Downey Jr., though he posted after the ceremony, remained silent on the controversy, suggesting he feels no obligation to respond.
Humility, decency, consideration for others—these qualities seem tightly linked to Asians to the extent that even when Michelle Yeoh "allowed" someone else to take the trophy, she might have realized she was giving up her right as the previous Best Actress to present the award to her successor, yet she internalized it all and even proactively apologized.
In my personal opinion, Robert Downey Jr.'s behavior before accepting his award, where he opened his arms to the applauding crowd with a look that said "I deserve it all", along with his career history of repeated mistakes yet repeatedly forgiven, suggests why he felt confident ignoring Quan and refusing to respond—those in power often refuse to reflect on their actions, considering them natural.
One aspect that truly resonated with me was Michelle Yeoh's apology. As someone who grew up in an Asian country and now studying in the States, I often feel frustrated in this default setting where it is common for Asians to apologize excessively. I remember when I first came, before speaking to someone, I would apologize for my poor language skills; after expressing my views, I always added that my experience could be different and said forgive me if I got something wrong. So many of my friends said that you do not have to be that apologetic, but no one showed me how to fit in without apologizing while being the marginalized group of society. And Michelle Yeoh’s reaction proves my point. Her post, while considerate and dignified, handed over the opportunity for her to stand tall and even apologize in advance, allowing others to feel no guilt, when was not even the one that should be blamed.
In both award scenarios, Michelle Yeoh and Ke Huy Quan were the only Asians on stage, and just a year after their wins, they and many Asian viewers again distinctly felt the minority experience—a sense of being overlooked and not belonging. I remember reading the book “Minor Feelings” by Korean-American author and poet Cathy Park Hong. In the book, she writes about how embarrassed she felt whenever her mother spoke English with white people, leading her to interject. The Asian accent is so demeaned that even after mastering English, the author felt sensitive to the accent. As a writer and poet, Cathy Park Hong realizes that the "bad English" of immigrants is fading away, a pressure scrutinized both externally and within the immigrant community itself. She said that Asians learn to see themselves through the eyes of white people, turning them into their own worst enemies. For them, the only defense has become self-criticism, a “compulsion born from prolonged racial conditioning”. This feeling of "others are more suited than I am" generates self-doubt and self-loathing developed under long-term racial disciplining. Cathy Park Hong sharply notes that in the American cultural narrative, Asian immigrants have always maintained the stereotype of the "obedient striver," perceived as the workhorses of the service industry and loyal corporate employees, yet never advancing because whites perceive them as lacking inner strength and leadership qualities. In other words, while whites exploit the kindness and meekness of Asians, they also use it as a tool to keep Asians fixed in their social hierarchy.
So, how should Asians, long labeled as "submissive and compliant," defend their dignity, stop unnecessary self-criticism, and end discriminatory behaviors? I do not have an answer as I am also struggling with the issue. But perhaps it all should start with stopping self-hatred, having the courage not to apologize when no wrongdoing has occurred, and pointing out the mistakes of others—as Cathy Park Hong says, "Bad English was once a source of shame, but now I proudly say that it is part of my heritage".
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